Shadow Dancing

One of my favorite quotes on photography comes from Julia Margaret Cameron, the 19th century British portraitist who took up photography late in life and said of her first experience:

“From the first moment I handled my lens with a tender ardour, and it has become to me as a living thing, with voice and memory and creative vigour.”

That quote is the inspiration for my Instagram tag, tender_ardour, which of course is also the name of this Blog.

I have to laugh when I think of the first time I held and used a camera myself. I was 8 or 9 years old and I was thrilled when my dad let me try out his old 110 camera. These were introduced by Kodak in 1972 and the technical quality wasn’t great. I didn’t understand why the scenes I composed in my mind weren’t fully realized in the final prints, but I was getting a taste.

When I was 10, my best friend, Andrea and I borrowed her dad’s 35mm camera for the day and took turns photographing in her neighborhood. I was getting hooked, and I longed for a camera of my own.

My older sister, Eve saved up her babysitting money and got one of the first Kodak Disc cameras that came out in the 80s. On a family trip through South Dakota, she let me take a few shots with it. We hiked together in the Badlands and I photographed our shadows cast on the side of one of the towering buttes at dusk, its spire still glimmering orange and purple hues as the sun light softened in the distance. The scene was ideal for a camera of any quality to capture something wonderful.

Our parents had the film processed at a drug store somewhere along the way and we got to see the pictures the next day. My father was a man of few words, which is why some of my most vivid memories from childhood are moments when he spoke directly to me. He told me that if I ever entered a photography contest, I should submit that picture of my sister and I shadow dancing in the Badlands of South Dakota.

When I was 15 and entering 10th grade, I signed up for photography courses through a program called Career Center, which was offered through the Omaha Public School system as part of the high school curriculum. My parents lent me the money to purchase my own 35mm camera for that program. It was a Pentax K1000, and I used it throughout much of my time as a BFA student at the Kansas City Art Institute as well. Then I started experimenting with medium formant cameras. The first one I acquired was a Yashica mat 124 and later, when I started grad school for photography in Buffalo, I purchased a Pentax 67, and eventually a Hasselblad 500c.

I now shoot digitally almost exclusively, and I’ve owned numerous DSLRs. The technology is vastly different than when I was tinkering with my Dad’s old 110 camera as a kid, and it continues to evolve. For me, the feeling of excitement when holding that camera for the first time came more from the creative possibilities brought on by a new tool, than from the tool itself. All these years later, I still get that feeling when I set out to take pictures wherever my camera leads me.

Sunday Morning Run

Bluebirds, indigo buntings, a rare red squirrel, a flattened frog carcass on the path and a chorus of frog friends croaking a funeral song from the pondlets in the woods.

Sight, sound and smell, all tapped during our Sunday morning run as the faint aroma of skunk filled the air at the end.

Spring is finally here! 💦 🐦🐿🐸🦨🌳

Home for Christmas

With my niece, Penelope and Nephew, Luke

For most of the year the temperature in Buffalo, NY where I live, is cooler than Omaha, NE where I was born and raised. Surprisingly though, the winter months in Buffalo are slightly warmer than November – February in Omaha. As I type, it’s zero degrees in Omaha and 11 in Buffalo. Including four years I spent in Kansas City, MO attending Art School, I’ve now lived away from Omaha almost as many years as I spent there during my formative years. Every year around this time, I travel to Omaha for Christmas, spend a few days with loved ones, then turn around and head back to Buffalo to greet a brand new year. Buffalo is home now, but Omaha is where I return to reconnect with the people and places that raised me.

In Buffalo and in my other travels, I’ve grown and changed in many ways, but I’m still the same person I always was. I long for the sound of thunderstorms that roll in from the high plains of Nebraska and shake you from your sleep. I listen for the familiar voices that reassured me as a child. It is colder in Omaha this time of year, but I have come to search for the warmth of home. Thank you to all my family and friends who love me for who I am and welcome me with open arms.

Visiting Home: Omaha

Instagram understandably gets a pretty bad rap for poor file quality, but to me there is an intriguing side.  It’s simple system of organizing chronologically makes it a perfect time capsule for ongoing visual reportage.  And if that weren’t enough, it’s inherent idealized aesthetic makes collecting “perfect little specimens” of an experience effortless. This is especially interesting to me when I return to Omaha, because I always want to capture “home” perfectly, but in the end I know that is an impossible goal. Over time Instagrams start to become memories that precede the actual events they represent. I enjoy playing in this space creatively and visually. I think Instagrams are best viewed on the tiny screen of a smart phone device, which can be held ever so tenderly in the palm of your hand like a butterfly. Here are a few snaps from my recent visit home.

Running Notes: Omaha Half Marathon

Omaha half marathon
Elizabeth and me right before the Omaha Half 9/18/16

I just completed my second Half Marathon on September 18.  This was a big event for me on a personal level because it took place in my hometown, Omaha, NE and my bff from junior high and I ran it together.  I finished with a PR that I’m very pleased with.  I started as a brand new runner on June 30, 2015. I’m enjoying tracking my progress and challenging myself to keep improving. In addition to continuing my training for various upcoming half marathons, I’m also working towards a goal of reaching 1,000 road and trail miles for 2016.  As of today, I’m at 788 miles, none of which were run on a treadmill.  Here’s a break down of all my races so far.

2015
September 4 – Champions 5k – 30:50 9:56/mi
November 26 – 120th Annual YMCA Turkey Trot 8k – 53:04 10:41/mi
December 13 – Freezer 5k – 28:42 9:14/mi

2016
January 9 – Winter Warrior 4 person Half Marathon Relay (3.3 miles) – 9:33/mi
May 29 – Buffalo Half Marathon – 02:13:19 10:11/mi
June 11 – Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k – 26:47 8:36/mi
June 23 – J.P. Morgan Corporate Challenge 3.5 miles – 30:35 8:44/mi
September 18 – Omaha Half Marathon – 02:02:21 9:20/mi